Release

So Thursday night I did something that I really needed to do; I cried. I purposefully read certain stories that I knew made me cry. The theme this time: being in love with someone who doesn't reciprocate those feelings. I don't know what it is exactly that makes me cry while reading certain fics and not others, but I know that they achieved something that I wish I could have: to find the one thing that makes me feel complete. I still believe in the magic of love, that love is something that can't be substituted by anything else. And I feel like I have not felt this ever - the feeling that I would die for someone or something. I don't want to be overly obsessed with something, or to be addicted to it, but rather to be, for once, not selfish.

Though I am not myself suffering from any great unrequited love (though it was interesting that on Friday I ranted to someone about how my girl crush, Ana Ivanovic, is homophobic and that makes me sad), I purposely made myself cry to release all the stress I had from balancing the 15-page paper for Archaeology and the thesis that I ended up turning in 15 min. before it was due. And you know what? I was so damn happy Friday morning that I was beaming. Because I am spoiled, blessed, selfish, but at least I can still feel. And the sun was bright, and the weather was nice and I am enjoying my life with more happiness, a deserved joy for the blessed life I have had so far.

Too bad Friday night sort of ruined that feeling, when I got so wasted that I ended up throwing up. And I had to make people look after me, and started to stress over that. The concert last night, though, was amazing. I wish I could improv like that. I wish I could have been a great composer. I wish I had an awesome voice.

I am going into pharmacology, which will be interesting but never more than a job. I am going to Seattle, which will never be more than a city with people and opportunities. I will continue to be a sports fan, a place that breaks or makes dreams come true, where people can do what they love and not worry about doing other jobs to support their passion, who get to achieve what I won't get to achieve...

I'm done!

Classes are over!  I had my final lecture of my undergraduate ever, and spent more than half of it fixing up my thesis.  And then I barely turned in my thesis on time, or at 4:45 PM.  It was stressful.  But now it is basically over.  I have a final paper for my minicourse and a final exam for archaeology on the 23rd.  And then there is graduation ceremonies and the trip to Spain.  Now I can start getting really pumped for that!

So much has happened since I last posted.  I got an offer from Washington last Thursday night and committed to them on Friday afternoon.  Then I got myself a summer job (I'll need it to pay my rent over in Seattle) for June and July.  So I have two ~1-month long vacation breaks in May and in August.  And in August, after I find my apartment, I am going to be sitting my ass outside and getting some good reading done.  Maybe I can brush up on my Chinese...  Well I will get to practice some Spanish in Spain, which is really exciting!

The fieldtrip yesterday was pretty cool.  I love looking at church architecture, and Byzantine stuff is quite ornate.  The food for dinner was quite nice too, made by the Ukrainian Women's League.  I think I might like to try making some slavic food, especially the cabbage stuff.  This minicourse has been so cool...I wish they had one for other cultures.  Alas, maybe I will do something about it in Seattle.  At least I will eventually get around to learning some Russian, which shouldn't be too bad since I know some of the vocab after studying BCS.

So tonight I am going to relax.  I have no idea what I am going to do but it will probably involve reading sapping fics, watching TV or movies, and singing!  WOOT!

Monthly Outlook: April 2008

Recap: March was March.  I did get the first draft of my thesis down and part of my revision (woot).  There has been a lot going on in terms of the NCAA men's basketball tournament and tennis (Indian Wells and Sony Ericsson Open).  I was not actually busy until the very last week of March, because my archaeology professor decided to post the essay topic very late.  Otherwise, I got waitlisted at Washington and will continue to hope for a positive response.  Meanwhile, my Ukrainian culture class has started and has been the most interesting of my classes.  My professor talks insanely fast, and I wish they had these types of classes for other cultures.  I would love a class on the Balkans...
Outlook: I have a thesis to finish and a 15 page paper for archaeology due the last day of class (April 15).  I also have a group presentation for and a seminar write-up for biophysics.  My Ukrainian class has a few little things to do, and taking it pass/fail means I just have to do the work.  I am waiting for Washington's response before I make the very final graduate school decision, and I will continue to watch basketball, soccer, and tennis (though I am definitely on tape delay at the moment).  I really can't wait to graduate!
Events/Activities: Ukrainian class field trip, graduation activities, move-out, trip to SPAIN
Goals: to finish all of my coursework and pass my classes, to finalize graduate school and summer plans, to brush up on my Spanish, to be prepared and have an awesome trip in SPAIN