Monthly Outlook: November 2008

Recap: Lab rotation isn't going as well as I hoped, but have gotten some reassurance from the professor. Classwork was more than I expected so I probably should have done more for it. I suffered from a bout of almost suicidal depression, got really into reading about my sexuality and chatting with people online, and had many revelations including the fact that I think I might want to stick to being a bit more androgynous.

Outlook: I have signed up for NaNoWriMo so I'll be busy writing for that. Otherwise I hope to do a bit better with my rotation (school work too, but not as important to me), start trying to do some more exercising besides just walking around, and try to be happier than last month.

Events/Activities: NaNoWriMo, UW volleyball games, UW soccer games, tennis and soccer matches on TV, Seattle Symphony Orchestra concerts, one volunteer event, Thanksgiving

Goals: keep up with French studying, get some results in my lab rotation, exercise a bit more, NaNoWriMo

Ana wins at Linz!

Great job Ana! You just looked relaxed, confident, and ready to win! Vera probably should have played better, but Ana probably would have won anyway. And maybe she'll get herself some nice wins at the Championships. Ajde!

In life news, I met up with some guy for dinner yesterday and I guess it was a "date" but it was awkward and weird... Unlike the chatting online. I think that cured my strange urge to want to be social. And with NaNoWriMo coming up, and with my realization that I shouldn't slack off on my classes until the end like I just did, and with the start of basketball and my renewed interest in soccer I will have plenty of things to do! And plenty of forums to visit, and a bunch of fics I can read if I am desperate. The only thing that will suck will be that November will probably disappear.

Yeah, so I'm catching up on reading right before my take home test is handed out. It's basically taken up my entire weekend, besides the sports-watching I've done. I think it just makes me feel better, even if I don't end up doing well on that test. I'm totally going to fail...it's a no-notes test. But I guess I have 2 more chances to pass tests after that haha...

Sports Update

So I haven't blogged about sports recently, though I've watched a lot! Today I went to the UCLA vs. UW men's soccer game. Somehow I managed to sit next to some student athletes again. It's like if I sit by college students, they have to be student athletes. It was weird. But anyway, UCLA got a win somehow. Took advantage of their opportunities. And UW didn't. But some of it was Brian Perk's awesomeness. Damn he was good! It was worth it, just to see him.

Otherwise, it's been volleyball. I watched both of UW's games last week and really enjoyed the game vs. Oregon. I thought I had recognized Maricic as Oregon's leader from last year and she kind of had "bitch-face" going on. But she is good, and so was the setter Djordjevic (spelling?). I saw some of UW vs. Oregon State but after UW women's soccer match vs. Cal. It was a nice win by the girls. Probably the soccer teams and the volleyball team will make the tournament, and with UCLA winning some more I think the men's soccer team will make it. And of course Stanford! Too bad they lost to Cal and Cynthia didn't have that great of a game... And she had a decent one today vs. USC but Alix... Well at least they won.

And on the professional tennis side, unfortunately Marin and Mario lost early this week, but Gilles continues to be crazy awesome marathon man and he's going to make his way to the Master's Cup! He was so charming in the interview after the final at Madrid. I have officially become a fangirl... And Ana has been playing decently well, getting to two semifinals two weeks in a row! So things are getting better for her. Hopefully Novak has a decent week next week. And hopefully my other boys do well too!

So I went to the ticket office today, planning to get tickets to the NCAA regionals. They told me that they might get a student package. Maybe I should have gotten tickets anyway. Oh well, I'll see. I'd be willing to pay more since it would be worth it. Plus, if Stanford ends up in this regional, and/or Cal, it will be awesome! Being the west regional, I don't doubt it. I guess it would be cool to see Nebraska, Texas, or Penn State as well. Strangely enough of those three I've only seen Nebraska on TV. And random teams like Northern Colorado University get on TV. I don't know how this happens; college sports TV programming is messed up.

And NBA has started but I'm pretty apathetic to it. Looks like Kevin Durant is doing well. If only he could have stayed in Seattle... UW men's basketball doesn't play that interesting of a schedule, so I'll probably just see Oregon and UCLA. Unless some other team in the Pac-10 is randomly good and hyped, I think that's it. I'll probably see some gymnastics meets but next quarter I might actually want to do my HW. And do better in school...whoops...

I did something stupid.

I did something stupid this weekend, which I don't want to discuss, and I'm lucky it turned out so well. But I think I'm paying for it now. My labwork is absolutely shit right now. Nothing is working. I have no idea what the fuck is going on and it just eats up my time. And one of my classes is about to end and I am screwed for it. And NSF shit. At least I don't have to do those extra meetings for the grant review.

Dude I was going to say something more important but I'm chatting with this guy online and for once he's not creepy! Maybe that's why my luck still sucks at lab...

No! Novak!

Novak lost to Ivo Karlovic! This just...sucks.

My DVR is going to be full...

I got the sports entertainment pack and now I will have plenty of things to watch. Now it's just for getting in the mood to watch them... All that tennis, especially with Madrid coming up! And all that volleyball too!

I better jump up and down a lot while watching TV or I'm going to get really fat haha...

I just realized

that to celebrate my bisexuality the easy way, I should buy dark pink, purple, and dark blue rubber bands. Then I can put those all in my hair as a "subtle" signal of my sexual orientation. It'll be representing as well as slight advertisement! But anyway...

To celebrate National Coming Out Day one day early, I knitted myself a "bracelet". It looks more like a wristband. And the pink isn't as pink as it could be, but what can I do? Hard to find cheap yarn in the right colors! I used the same yarn that will be on my tote. It will be exciting to get that done, whenever that happens.

And it brings up the question. I should really tell my parents. But the worst thing that could happen is not to be taken seriously. That's my greatest fear, more than being kicked out the house or something. Because I don't think they would kick me out the house. They don't care too much what I do, as long as I don't get myself into danger, get my health compromised, and as long as I get married/have kids. Technically I could still get married and have kids sometime in the future... And guess what happens! National Coming Out Day is on a Saturday, just when we have our family talks. But telling them on Skype is probably not a good idea. So I think I will tell them sometime over Christmas break. But we'll see. Especially since I'm embracing more and more my sexuality, and hope to march in the Pride Parade next year, since there is one in Seattle! (Maybe there was one in Ann Arbor, never checked...)

So tomorrow is kind of a big step. Last year I had that paper hi-lighter colored strip around my wrist, but it could have come off as an "ally" bracelet. This time the colors should indicate that I am bi, though I guess I could be a bi "ally". But whatever, it's going to be interesting because it won't be strangers, classmates that I don't care about, or close friends. It's going to be people I've only known for a few weeks, who seem to like me okay, and who seem to be slowly warming up to me. And I don't have any close friends here. I don't expect blatant homophobia, but it's still - if my professor knows anything about the symbols, he's going to know about me. That is kind of weird. I haven't faced any homophobia directly, and it's going to be weird. But it's time to come out again.

Still, the rubber bands would be better, because the wristband/bracelet is probably going to itch. Damn. And for someone who barely wears jewelry, rubber bands are one of the few things I'm used to wearing around my wrist. So I wouldn't be thinking about it so much, and then stop over-thinking. Oh well, for next time.

I am going to Safeway on Saturday maybe (food shopping is so much fun), so maybe the rubber bands then...

I am on crack(ers)

I don't know what the hell I am doing. So here are 10 things.

1. I've been eating lots of crackers. I just finished a bag of Goldfish crackers and I think I've eaten half a box of Cheez-it crackers. The Goldfish crackers were spread over a few days but the Cheez-it crackers I bought yesterday. Damn, I know I like to eat junk food on the weekends, but that is pretty bad.
2. I wasted a few hours yesterday chatting to people on bisexual.com. I don't think I can do that too often. Besides not getting any work done during that period, I also ended up talking about sex. Too many horny guys = trouble.
   
3. Later on I did talk to a girl. She was cool and didn't seem horny. Thank god.
4. I guess all the young bisexual people are somewhere else. On LJ, on facebook, on craig's list, on Myspace?
5. I just realized that I'm almost 21. Whoa. But I'll continue to think that I'm closer to 20 until the day comes. Damn, who is going to take me out for drinks on my b-day?
6. I got yarn! I didn't find wool in the colors I wanted, but found some chunky acrylic yarn which I'm knitting double-stranded. The result is something very thick with a bit of give. Probably about the same as my felted tote. I also got 2 pounds of purple yarn, bought in 1 pound rolls. Whoa, I know.
   
7. Sports! Watched a lot of stuff. Got my TV set up but I think I don't have the sports package for some reason. Must remedy that soon. Need the tennis channel like now.
   
8. Meanwhile I enjoyed live volleyball! The Stanford girls were as hot as I hoped! They dominated UW for the first two games. The third one was a bit of a fight, as Stanford's passing was off - probably somewhat due to some better serving from UW! Erin Waller could have won the match at 24-23 but her serve hit the net and went the wrong way! But despite some drama and hustle play, Stanford finished 3-0! Go girls! (I like to call them chicas too.)
9. Then I ran over to watch some UW men's soccer. They were playing against Cal, and the stuff was pretty good. Think it was better probably in the first half, since there were more goals! I saw one, a set-piece goal. There were a few decent shots - Cal took more shots but it seemed like from the parts I saw that UW (during those times) had better chances. At least better chances to win. But no, 2-2 even after double overtime. So I got about 50 min of soccer watching in.
10. And to conclude, after all this sports watching, I must say the UW volleyball chicas are the hottest, followed by the women's soccer players and then the men's soccer players. I don't care too much for the other athletes of this season. I love track but I'm not into cross country. Anyway the Stanford volleyball chicas are the best!

And just remembered, UW is hosting volleyball regionals. Must get tickets!

My Failures

First I failed at being social with my own lab. Second I failed to be very social at the graduate student social thingy. Third I failed at finding the LGBT people who were supposed to be there. Fourth I failed at cheering for UW volleyball because I am too in love with Cutura. She's just so awesome. Plus points for Carli Lloyd (???) and #14 was kind of hot...haha it was #14 on Utah's women's soccer team...it must be my new favorite number.

I also realized that this guy in my department looks kind of like the guy in my previous lab who I thought was hot. But he's kind of preppy compared to the other guy who had punk/metal/rock music stereotype fashion going on. I think these are the worst kind of "attractions" or "obsessions", whatever they are, because it's like an extension of an "old" one. It gets too messy. I think I had one of those in high school, and the guy I had the actual crush on (who had already graduated) was so much better than the "secondary" guy. But with the "first" person gone, I fixed my attentions on something similar. Yeah, if that made any sense...

I think I'm almost obsessed with my lack of friends here. I keep thinking about it, and thinking about it makes me think even more about it. Like the failure of my lab work... Too bad my French books came in while I was gone - I can't get them until Monday. So I guess I should actually study this weekend. But definitely plan to get some yarn. I am going to make a "bisexual" tote - tote with the bisexual flag colors! Hopefully I can find those colors. Otherwise I think I'm knitting a purple coat.

Talking about coats, I need to get a raincoat. The volleyball game was totally worth getting drenched on the way home, but I don't have to do that every time. Also, I need to not sit in the student section. Especially not on Sunday, when my favorite volleyball girls come to town. I probably shouldn't scream my love for Cynthia, but definitely will be wearing red! Maybe she'll notice me haha...

I should stop.

I am having way too much fun looking at the "strictly platonic" ads on craig's list. It is such a loser thing to do. I actually can imagine myself posting on there. But probably later - no point in trying to get "friends" when I don't have time. And I think my class load and work load will pick up soon. It's only been about a week after all.

I try to keep the side bar updated but sometimes the changes I make aren't saved. It's annoying. Not like most of you care, but it's fun. It's like my obsession with changing my status message. It's way too much fun, especially when so many thoughts run through my head. I do have many things of little interest that I note.

What I really need to do is to write some fiction and/or read some published fiction. Thus I think I'm going to the Seattle Public Library this weekend. Now if my French books came in, and I got off my butt and got some yarn, and my TV gets set up, I should have plenty of things to do. Starting to play the oboe again is helping out for sure. If all things fail, I can go back to trying to learn Chinese...

Damnit

I cut my left middle finger while cutting carrots. And then slightly burned the salmon fillet. And then did not have any flavor in the carrots. Oh well, at least the rice turned out. Rice cookers are awesome!

I would practice my oboe except that my cut finger is going numb to try and stop the bleeding. So I guess I'll just blow some reed (sounds like a drug haha) while I do something like...HW...